Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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