Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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