a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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