What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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