your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize