U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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