he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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