When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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