i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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