even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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