All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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