sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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