I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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