I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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