this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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