so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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