the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Floor bacon is actually really good
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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