I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize