i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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