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I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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