Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i now understand why vodka
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize