I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Farmville is her only friend.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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