i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize