i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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