The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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