just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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