My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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