My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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