I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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