I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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