People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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