I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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