how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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