i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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