I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she told me i tasted like america
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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