Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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