I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
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Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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