Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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