what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize