a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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