I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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