i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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