dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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