she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize