Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
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Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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