I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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