I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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