I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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