i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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