Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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